So I promise I'm trying to get out of this funk. I think Tyler was just the last of painful losses I've felt recently. I feel like so many people I grew up with, or went to school with, or cared for have died. I feel like it's an epidemic that's worse than other people. I look at my sister's friends, acquaintances, etc. and I see them living. I can't even count on one hand the people I've lost. Be it that they were close or just known to me.
But I digress. That wasn't the purpose of this post. I'm actually trying to blog about something else. Because I'm not going to just exist either, I'm going to live.
My darling husband is still loving his job. Which I'm so thankful for. I miss him everyday, I swear we got to talk more when he was deployed, but that's ok. It just makes our time together so much more precious. I spent some time today think about our deployments. The leaving, the returning, the fear while he was gone, the relief when he was home. And somewhere I realized that this is now my daily struggle. Rather than leaving once for 7 months, he leaves everyday. And everyday I feel that twinge of fear. He comes in late and climbs in bed with me and I feel that relief.
I kiss him goodbye every morning in case that is the last. But I can't dwell on that, I won't dwell on that. I choose not to. Because I'm so darn proud of the person he is, I love the person he CHOOSES to be. And I know that just like in the Marine Corps, he will do everything he can to come home to me, but during the shift he will put me from his mind so that he can be the best he can be.
Amazing how my life has come full circle. I'm learning each day, because me and the hubs? We're boots all over again. :) And we like it this way. Everyday is brand new. Who can complain??