How do I feel?
That is a loaded question. I am happy with my life. Truly I am. But still, sometimes I get depressed.
I hate being depressed. There seems to be no way out. Imagine being locked inside a dark room and the only source of light you have disappears. Then you are left in utter and complete darkness.
This is how I feel sometimes. And its stupid really. I can be having a great day and one little event can turn that completely upside down.
My self-esteem is just that low. I hinge my happiness on other people to such a degree that I let it ruin my day. Little comments, snide remarks, complete indifference. These things stick with me and hurt me. You don't realize that they hurt me. Or you realize they do but you feel that I am being too sensitive. I am sensitive. It is who I am. I am sorry for that. I am not sorry for that. It is who I am.
I am sorry for those times when I am not good enough. I am sorry for those times when I cannot be exactly what you need. I am sorry for not being able to figure it out. I really am trying to figure it out. For you. For me.
This quote has been on my Facebook profile for awhile, but it has such meaning to me that I hope it helps you understand me.