Sunday, December 21, 2008

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you

I live in a world of shadows. There are very few people in my life that I consider to be bright spots. Those people know who they are. I would like to start by saying I love you all very much.

Having said that, I now feel like I will unfortunately shake that because I have something I need to say.

I am at a loss. I feel like no one trusts my judgment. I know that I have messed up. I know I have made bad decisions. But isn't it my life? Can't I make my own decisions without constantly being reminded of my hindrances? I am not perfect, of that I am aware. I had to seek help. I am aware of that also. I lost some of myself, but I truly feel clear headed again.

I can already hear the skepticism in your heads and hearts. And it casts a shadow on my life. That skepticism keeps me from taking the risks I truly desire to take. Uncertainty breaks me. I cannot be uncertain about every decision I make for the rest of my life. I cannot allow myself to believe I have lost judgment.

I need you all to know that I have seen sunlight for the first time in a long time. Do not doubt me. Trust me. Do not stop me when I make decisions. Support me and it will go further. It will show me how much you love me. I need you to love and support me or I have nothing in this world.

That's not accurate. I will always have the decisions I make and the outcomes of those decisions. That, is something, someone that I will always have regardless or judgments or doubts.


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