At a loss

I wish I knew where to start.

I guess the beginning is the best place. My freshman year of college, I had this boyfriend. He was a tall redhead majoring in Engineering. We had a group of friends that all hung out every day. I won't lie, we were pretty nerdy. Either way, This boy and I started dating. And it was a whirlwind. We spent every minute together. And we fought. Like cats and dogs. But it was so much fun. We had so much fun together.

When finals rolled around, we stayed up all night watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy on DVD and "studying". One night, I was so hungry, and it was like 3 in the morning so everything was closed, but we loaded up in his car and he took us to Kroger. He was going to introduce me to a new snack he told me. And he demanded "Buddig" brand ham. I had never heard of it. I thought he was crazy. So while laughing I asked a worker for this crazy meat. And he said, ''yeah we have that''. lol. So here was the snack. Dill pickle spears, wrapped in cream cheese, wrapped in ham. It was soooo good.

We were always doing things like that. Stupid, random, things. Things that were so much fun.

We broke up for who knows what reason. We were barely 19 and had better things to do I suppose. A little later that year he decided he didn't want to continue college. He was bound for the Army. That's where he's been ever since. Some people are bound for different things, the Army and Tyler were made for each other. Other than the occasional chat, I've not seen or talked to Tyler since he left all those years ago. But one thing I remember about him, partially because we fought about it so much, was his love for his darn motorcycle. He wrecked and rebuilt and rebought. Always on a stupid motorcycle.

Tyler was in a head on collision on Saturday in Washington, where he lived. He was pronounced dead on the scene. Due to his high rate of speed (over 100mph) I believe he went pretty instantly. I guess the best way to go is doing something you love. And he loved those motorcycles.

This is Tyler. He's the one with the taco. haha.

(By the way, that's me and my nerdy friends)

Rest in Peace, Dear Friend. Keep an eye out for us and we'll see you again one day.

Struggles

Life can be such a challenge sometimes. Brandon and I are trying to get used to the new situation we are in, new jobs, new schedules, etc. It's not easy to tell you the truth. We barely see each other due to my day shift schedule and his evening or overnight shifts. And when we do we're so exhausted all the time.

But we're happy. B loves his job and I'm so proud of him. We're shopping for a rental while we build a house. We're finally feeling a little settled. But one thing is missing. One thing I ache for.

A baby.

I know it isn't the right time yet. I know we're too busy and our jobs are too new. I know we haven't got the house built yet and I still haven't picked a car yet. (I know, I know, but I'm picky). But I just feel like this little person is waiting for us. And I don't want to disappoint him or her.

Plus knowing we will struggle for that little one makes me so much more impatient.

It just makes my heart sore sometimes to keep waiting. Because I know we're ready. And waiting for our circumstances to be ready is not fun.

Do you ever just get worn down? Just so overwhelmed that you don't know how to manage? Lately I've been feeling so confused and depressed. Like there is no end in sight for some things.

I imagine that is how quick sand is. You feel like every inch you gain is an accomplishment but in reality every inch you gain is just a fraction of the foot you are sinking.

Ugh. I think I need a vacation. Or a break. Or a maid.

Where can I pick up those things for free?

I'm a bad blogger this month.

Sad but true fact.

But I have a really really good reason. I've been WORKING. :) Granted it's only a temporary job, but hey, it's bringing in some much need cash. BIG SMILES!!

In other news, The hubs is OFFICIAL! My handsome man in camo is now a handsome man in blue. (Personally I think it's black, but it's like the Marine Corps Dress Blue jaket, it's the point that counts) Technically he's still a man in camo, too, but that one's taking a backseat.

He has already started his ride alongs, has his duty belt, and will be sworn in next week!! I'm so proud I could BURST! I really do have the greatest husband in the WHOLE WORLD!

(Aren't you enjoying my excitement??)

In other news, Very important news, it's my darling wifey's 24th birthday. Alas, I can't spend it with her which sucks, and her birthday present hasn't even made it to the Post Office yet so it'll be late, but she knows I love her and miss her and will be seeing her SOON!

Happy Birthday Kinnel I hope it is wonderful!!

Img Credit

Chick-fil-a

There I stood. In the longest lunch line known to man at Chick-fil-a. It's finally my turn, and I place my order with the young woman behind the counter.

"That'll be $6.01" she says.

I give her my plastic card and she asks for my id.

Instinctively I give her my military id. It is on top after all.

"Oh, I miss mine." She smiles.
"I'm sorry?"
"I lost my military id"
"They can make you another one at the reserve base I think."
"Not since the cheating b@st@rd left me....
Oh, here's your order, have a wonderful day."

...

"Yeah, you too."

BloggyLand Bliss

It's an unfortunately fact of life that we as bloggers like to write about things that are going well in our lives. We love to talk about how much we love our hunnys and how great our friends are and how much our wardrobe and world rocks. But when it comes to the rough parts, the really tough parts, we want to keep those to ourselves. Not because they aren't interesting, in fact they are actually probably more interesting to our readers than the good times.

But rather because we don't like to show vulnerability. 

We don't want the world to know when things are less than perfect. But here's the reality. Things aren't perfect. And neither are we. Life happens, people happen, arguments happen, it all happens. 

So I guess this is me telling you that not everything is great in my world right now. I love my husband and my family and my friends, but things are just kinda rough lately. And I'm not afraid to tell it.

Or maybe I am since I didn't elaborate on my actual problems and rather spoke in the abstract...

Img Credit

Blank

I just don't have anything to write about right now. Like seriously nothing.

Maybe another time.