Sunday, September 26, 2010

Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is a hard one. Not hard to think of, just hard to admit. But for you, I will admit it.

I let myself become a victim.

I had a boyfriend. He was "great", but really, he was terrible. He never hit me. Not once. He used his words. He controlled my actions, he controlled my thoughts. He controlled my life and made me feel worthless. And I thought I loved him. Boy was I wrong. It came to a head when he camped outside my house one day and the police had to be called. He'd been there for more than 5 hours. He'd been on the deck outside my bedroom. He told me he was at school.

I spent months in therapy. I found my husband. I moved on in a way better way. But sometimes I still remember those times and wonder. How did I, a smart college graduate young woman, allow someone to overrun my life. How did I let him ruin my self esteem and self worth? How did I let my judgement become so compromised? I saw how people treated me, I saw that they no longer trusted me to make life choices. I was still a victim months after he was gone from my life.

And that is something I still work on everyday to overcome.

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